I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
