I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
