My friends, they love my intelligence
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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