you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
