apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's like iHOP with fire
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
