love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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