Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
