I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
