just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
