is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
