did you get engaged???
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
