My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
