Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize