but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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