Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
