He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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