then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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