Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
