1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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