It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
