oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
