dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
