Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
