My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
