I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
