Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
