Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
