erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
