I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the condom got lost in my hair
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
