she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Randomize
