she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
