she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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