I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
