I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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