So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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