it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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