I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
