just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
