I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
