I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze