My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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