honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I look better un-naked...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
