Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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