we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Mom said you looked used
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
