This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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