If that was your dad, he is hot
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
