Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
