so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
