dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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