I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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