im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
