I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
