It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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