k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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