my mouth tastes like poor choices
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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