We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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