You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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