Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
