so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
