So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
