my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
