ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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