when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
