i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
