TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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