they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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