hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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