He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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