there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
