Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
