I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
