As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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