the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
