Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (7334) Bad night (743)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.

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  (507): The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything. http://tfl.nu/zuo5
  Replies (41) Good night (2439) Bad night (531)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.

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  (847): O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions. http://tfl.nu/w6f3
  Replies (17) Good night (1450) Bad night (3827)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.

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  (773): I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs. http://tfl.nu/fbpk
  Replies (17) Good night (752) Bad night (3413)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Really* awful people.

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  (215): I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people. (215): Really* awful people. http://tfl.nu/94fn
  Replies (3) Good night (2787) Bad night (864)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."

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  (215): What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller." http://tfl.nu/x4em
  Replies (21) Good night (2900) Bad night (897)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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  (202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd
  Replies (10) Good night (1926) Bad night (517)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.

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  (647): That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night. http://tfl.nu/q0pz
  Replies (2) Good night (1049) Bad night (471)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!

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  (517): No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf (615): Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?! http://tfl.nu/9d33
  Replies (9) Good night (695) Bad night (1825)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.

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  (+44): He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar. http://tfl.nu/zoch
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (456)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.

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  (423): I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves. http://tfl.nu/s92y
  Replies (2) Good night (639) Bad night (283)
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  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day

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  (516): sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day http://tfl.nu/3ryn
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (778)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.

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  (804): for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner. http://tfl.nu/3gkb
  Replies (0) Good night (208) Bad night (454)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it

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  (612): I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it http://tfl.nu/0efz
  Replies (0) Good night (577) Bad night (247)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success

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  (304): All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success http://tfl.nu/eqcc
  Replies (2) Good night (357) Bad night (117)

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