We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
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So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.