I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
