is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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