i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.