Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

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(312): View more from Illinois

so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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(954): View more from Florida

i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(740): View more from Ohio

So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

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(503): View more from Oregon

And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.

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(214): View more from Texas

You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.

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