It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.