i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
