There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
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Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.