Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
