bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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