I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
