Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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