I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
